


A skeleton walks into a bar

by Loke_Lyon



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: F/M, Implied Chinith, Implied Valduggery, One Shot, Spoilers, Valkyrie and Skulduggery hit people together, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-15 23:09:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2246817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loke_Lyon/pseuds/Loke_Lyon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short one shot written after the ending of The Dying of the Light. Some spoilers.<br/>Valkyrie and Skulduggery very carefully do not talk about the elephant in the room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A skeleton walks into a bar

The world had not forgotten about Darquesse. Everywhere she went there were whispers and glares and even outright challenges. Having Skulduggery around helped a lot. People might not know the specifics but they knew he’d been there during the final battle. It meant something.

Their cases had been child’s play recently. She suspected he was holding back the really good ones until she got back into the swing of things. They bantered with each other and they hit people and they very carefully avoided the obvious topics and ignored the huge enormity of what had been said. And they hit more people.

The people they were hitting today were located inside one of the very shady bars that had sprang up in Roarhaven following Darquesse’s rampage. A mass influx of mages from all over the world had taken them all by surprise. Many wanted to be free of the burden of mortals but others had a darker purpose.

Their target tonight had been linked to an attempt on the Grand Mage’s life. In reality there was nothing to distinguish it from the five others that had happened that week. Yet Tanith, who’d stepped into the bodyguard role following the Black Cleavers demise, had been injured. Badly.

Valkyrie had seen that wound and she had wondered how Tanith had lived but, as China had said, Tanith was hard to kill. Rumours said she’d slain the Black Cleaver without breaking a sweat. Valkyrie knew otherwise. The door swung open and a drunken couple staggered out, arms thrown about each others shoulders and singing loudly. They ignored Valkyrie and Skulduggery. 

Skulduggery caught the door as it swung closed and turned to her.

She mentally shook herself and nodded. They entered the bar and to the patron’s credit it took almost three minutes for someone to realise who she was. The bar went quiet, like some scene from a movie. Everyone was holding their breath to see what happened next.

“I’m looking for a gentlemen by the name of Wallace. He’s normally very miserable looking with a dreadful skin condition and an unfortunate haircut,”

The bar released a breath. The patrons here were all eager to help after that, especially if it meant that the Skeleton detective and his terrifying partner didn’t look to closely at their own dealings. The barman even generously donated his back room. It wasn’t long before two muscle-bound thugs hustled a small woe-begone man into the room. He did indeed have a terrible skin condition. It flaked in patches about his face and hands. she found herself making a mental note not to punch him without gloves on. And that comb-over… good grief.

She tried to look terrifying. The small man looked as if he was going to be sick.

“Let’s get to the point Wallace… who asked you to send the assassin?” Skulduggery’s voice was controlled and calm and Wallace shook even more.

“I... I… Ihavemyrights,” he argued, words coming out in a breathless tumble. Valkyrie had to take a minute to decipher what he’d said. Skulduggery sighed and rested his head on his hands. She switched her expression up to glare.

“You can’t do this… she’s the murderer here! All those people she killed! Monster!” he screeched. Valkyrie flinched, bravado failing. Wallace looked triumphant, unwisely as it turned out. Skulduggery’s fist crashed into his nose and it shattered. Wallace fell sobbing to the floor, clutching his face.

“I wanted this to be a nice friendly chat Wallace. I really did,” he said rising from his seat. Wallace scrambled backwards away from him, free hand still clutching his nose. Valkyrie watched in horrified fascination as blood dripped through his fingers.

“OKAY OKAY! IT WAS SOME GUY FROM THE CHURCH OF THE FACELESS ONES I SWEAR OH GOD DON’T KILL ME!” he all but screamed as his back hit the wall. Skulduggery loomed over him, head tilted. Then in one smooth movement he bent down, lifted the man into the air and threw him through the door into the main bar area.

All conversation broke off immediately, through the now destroyed door they could see Wallace’s prone form slumped over. Conversation resumed, now more strained as the bar attempted to not notice the unconcious man. The patrons seemed to have collectively decided messing with a world destroyer and the man who beat her was a bad idea which, Valkyrie supposed, made them a lot more intelligent than the usual crowd.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she said quietly. Skulduggery turned towards her.

“Do what?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused.

“Throw him? Hit him? All because he insulted me?”

Skulduggery laughed slightly and pulled out his set of shackles.  


“My dear Valkyrie there lies a man without morals, a man I have encountered several times in the past, quite possibly my nemesis. I threw him because he’s a terrible person,” he replied. Valkyrie felt her eyebrows raise.

“Of course he is. What did he do to earn this title?”

“Well… he stole my pencil once,”

Valkyrie smiled to herself as Skulduggery shackled their target. Perhaps hitting people wasn’t a complete avoidance of feelings.

**Author's Note:**

> I just finished it and the idea for this has been sitting in my plans for a while. I just dusted it off and updated it.


End file.
